Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Randomize
