The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
