we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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