All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
