Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
