She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
