i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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