So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
