Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
