My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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