I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
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Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
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I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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