At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
