His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
