I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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