Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize