He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
