Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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