omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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