in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
