Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
