someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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