She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
