so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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