I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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