my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
id be glad to
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
