Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
