When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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