Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
