i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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