Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
