I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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