Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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