is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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