All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
