i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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