Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
