if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
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