you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I didn't notice because vodka
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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