I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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