Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
