i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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