So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
