u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
