I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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