If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
