so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
