just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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