It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
