Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I just found a bag of teeth...
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
