so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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