Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
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