i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
