i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'm at about main and main street
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
