Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
