M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Of course I have a pirate flag
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize