lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
the condom got lost in my hair
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
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