fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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