The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
