She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
