I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Semen is not good for contacts.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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