I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
