I CAN MOONWALK!
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
