Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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