You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
All I want is dick and wine.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
