I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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