So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
