i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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