I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I'm jealous of your bromance
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
