Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
