he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
