last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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