FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
