too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Randomize
