He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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