you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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