you will always have a special place in my vag
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
