i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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