i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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