That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
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is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
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It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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