If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
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